Declarations
by Phi-chama
Summary: At a family reunion, Quatre decides it's time to let the cat out of the bag.... Sap warning!


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DEDICATIONS: Kitty-san. Yes, this is all YOUR fault.... ^-^;;  
(You just HAD to bring up that question on the 4x3 ML, didn't you?)  
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WARNINGS: Shounen-ai. Mush?  
Usual disclaimers apply.  
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Declarations  
by Phi [umezaki@postmark.net | http://aurabuster.net]  
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Learning to trust has not been easy for me.  
  
The life I have lived hasn't really allowed me to open up and  
let others into the tight shell I encased myself in, despite the fact I  
have always been surrounded by people. Some kind... and some not.  
  
An orphan. At least, I think so. My earliest memories are of  
fire and anguished screams, and blackness. I don't know what  
happened; I'm not sure I want to know. Most of things I can remember   
from my childhood are unpleasant, and I try to block them as best I  
can. Others, however... others I hope never to forget.  
  
I met his voice first. It was sweet-sounded and pleading, yet  
with underlying steel. A nice voice.  
  
I'm not exactly sure when I started to love him. He just  
managed to somehow worm his way past my shields and into my  
heart. Of course, I couldn't come out and tell him -- I couldn't allow  
myself to be hurt again. My heart was already so torn.  
  
The first time he had kissed me, it felt like my entire world  
was falling down around me, and we were the only two people left.  
Needless to say, I was surprised. When he had pulled away, I hadn't  
said anything. Hadn't been able to. And he had looked so hurt that it  
felt like my heart was being ripped apart all over again.  
  
I spent that night wide awake, trying to figure out what I  
wanted. Yes, I knew I loved him, and I knew that I had probably blown  
my only chance at being with him. Repeatedly, I kept telling myself to  
get up, walk over to his room, and return the kiss... but my body  
refused to listen to my mind. I couldn't let myself be hurt again.  
  
It was a stupid rationale. The kiss had screamed his  
feelings to me.  
  
I was more responsive the next time he tried, and carefully  
we tried to build a relationship. It certainly wasn't easy, but every  
time I'm near him, everytime we touch or talk or simply look, I don't  
regret. Never regret.  
  
Him and Cathrine -- they're my life-lines. If I didn't have  
them, I would had have no reason to live after the war was over.  
  
He asked me, the other day, to go with him to his family  
reunion. I hesitated; large groups of people make me uncomfortable,  
although I like to think that I hide it well. I hide a lot of things well. His  
disappointment was clear to me, even though he tried to act  
nonchalant, for I had learned to read expressions early on.  
  
And so, I had agreed. I would do this -- for him.  
  
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"Quatre!"  
  
A smiling blonde woman called out to us as soon as we  
walked through the door and proceeded to envelop my lover in a tight hug.  
  
"Iria!" He smiled happily back.  
  
"We weren't sure that you were going to make it, little  
brother," she admonished gently, before she apparently realized  
that I was standing there as well. I didn't mind; I was used to being  
ignored. "Oh, pardon me. And you are...?"  
  
Her smile seemed a little too bright to me. Perhaps she had  
noticed how close we were standing together. "Trowa Barton."  
  
The smile looked even more forced. "It's nice to meet you,  
Trowa -- oh!" She noticed more people walk through the door. "It's  
Ani and Robert, and the kids. I'll have to chat with you later, Quatre."  
She hurried away to greet the newcomers.  
  
After she left, I could see just how large the place was, and  
how many people were in it. I had no idea that Quatre had this many  
relatives.  
  
"Huh," came the soft noise at my side. "I wonder where  
everybody is. It looks like there's hardly anybody here...."  
  
I looked at him in complete surprise. Was he...? I caught  
the twinkle in his eyes and had to smile back. "Gotcha..." he  
whispered wickedly.  
  
A sudden thought came back to me, one that I couldn't  
ignore. Looking down at him in all seriousness, I asked quietly,  
"Quatre, have you...?"  
  
His smile disappated, and his eyes slid away. "I'm sorry,  
Trowa, but I just...." He trailed off and looked back to me in some  
emotion I couldn't quite define.  
  
I let my mask slip back into place -- it was so easy -- and  
nodded. "I see."  
  
I don't think he liked my expression, for his face turned  
somewhat panicked and he quickly added, "Please, don't think I'm  
ashamed of you or our relationship, Trowa!" I felt his hand seek mine  
and squeeze it desperately. "I do love you, I really do! It's just... my  
family can be terribly closed-minded, and...."  
  
Gently, I squeezed back in silent acceptance. Just because  
Cathrine had approved of us together didn't mean that everyone else  
would. "It's all right." My heart lifted when he smiled again. I hate to  
see him sad.  
  
He is my weakness, I think. A weakness I cannot live  
without.  
  
As he began to pull me forward, I tried to steel myself  
against the crowds. Too many people. I really didn't want to be here,  
but I wouldn't let him know it -- not if I could help it. This gathering  
means too much to him for me to spoil it. At some point which I  
couldn't quite remember he had let go of my hand, and I felt  
suddenly lost without its comforting pressure. Naked, almost.  
  
Struggling to stay by his side as we wove through masses, I  
barely heard the introductions or remembered the names of the sea  
of people in front of me. "This is my sister, Akilah, and her husband,  
Nabil.... Oh, look, there's Shera. I haven't seen her in such a long  
time.... My uncle Cemal... My sister, Hanna.... Another sister,  
Elbie.... Vincent, my sister Neva's husband, but I don't see her....  
Sanya and Sala, my twin neices. Oh, that reminds me, I have to talk  
to Sarita.... There's Xerxes, my great-uncle, and his wife Audrey....  
Duncan and Asabi, my aunt and uncle.... My cousin, Elan, although I  
can't quite remember if he's a second or third.... Travis.... Olesia....  
Nelya.... Ivan.... Thomas...."  
  
The faces and names began to blend together in one large  
swirl, and it was getting harder to keep everyone straight. How  
Quatre managed it, I'll never know. But he looked like he was  
enjoying it, so I simply nodded to each one in turn and hoped I would   
ever have to talk to that person again.  
  
"Quatre..." I began softly, during a rare space of time  
where we had a moment to ourselves.  
  
He smiled up at me a little apologetically. "It is a little  
overwhelming, isn't it?"  
  
Nodding, I tried to scan the room for a calmer area.  
Keeping my voice soft and even, despite my growing agitation, I  
asked, "Is there someplace quieter to go to?"  
  
I almost sighed in relief as he took my hand once more and  
led me towards the dark corner of a side balcony and pulled me into  
an embrace. I love the feel of his skin against mine, of his warmth. I  
allowed myself a smile and relaxed into his arms. I don't know how  
long we stayed like that, but I felt stiff by the time I heard the voices  
that drifted out from the room.  
  
"Did you hear? That brother of yours had the nerve to  
show up here with another ~boy~. Can you believe it?" A haughty  
sniff. "Such unnatural, immoral behavior. Such a thing isn't befitting of  
a Winner heir."  
  
"Aunt Grace...." Embarrassment.  
  
"Really, Iria, dear. I can't believe that you'd let your own  
brother slip into such degrading behavior."  
  
I could feel Quatre tense with anger, and tried not to let my  
own show through. I wasn't really mad at the woman's words, but at  
the fact that she had made Quatre upset. Suddenly, almost as  
abruptly as it had come, he seemed to relax. It worried me. "What  
are...?"  
  
The smile on his face made me a bit nervous. Shaking his  
head and placing a finger on my lips, he told me quietly, "Shhh,  
Trowa. Don't worry about it. Just come with me, all right?"  
  
I nodded reluctantly. What did he have planned?  
  
I held back a little once I saw where we were headed.  
"Quatre, I don't think--"  
  
He shook his head sharply and returned, "No, I'm going to  
tell them. I don't want to have to hide it anymore." He turned to me  
with an almost pleading look on his sweet face. "You understand,  
don't you?"  
  
I never could resist those eyes, even when we weren't  
lovers. Sighing, I gave him my agreement. I could only hope that he  
wouldn't try anything too rash.  
  
He drew me up onto the raised stage that the band had  
been quietly playing on. I could only watch, my mind almost frozen,  
as he leaned into the lone microphone and began, "Hello, everyone.  
It has been a while since we could all come together like this,  
because of the war. And I know there are some faces that are  
missing, because of the war as well.  
  
"But I don't regret that it happened, for if it hadn't, I never  
would have met Trowa. He is my best friend, my love, and my life. Yes,  
I know we are both male. I don't care, and neither does he. Love is  
love.  
  
"If you can't accept that, then I'm sorry. But I haven't  
changed as a person, or as a brother or nephew or cousin, just  
because I have fallen in love. If you truly cared for me, as family  
should, then you would realize that Trowa makes me happy, and be  
happy for me in turn.  
  
"I don't really know what else to say, other than I love him  
and I don't care who knows it anymore. I've been stupid to try to hide   
it from the very people who shouldn't care what my preferences are,  
and simply accept me for who I am."  
  
I watched as he stepped away from the mike, my heart  
beating wildly in my chest. Even if I had wanted to talk, I doubt I could   
have found the voice to. To get up, and declare that in front of all  
these people....  
  
The shock had so completely held me in its thrall that I  
almost failed to notice he had pulled me into a kiss. It was nice, and  
sweet, and soft, but with a barely hidden passion. And certainly not  
chaste.  
  
When he pulled away, it was too soon, but I gradually  
became concious of the hundreds of eyes fixed upon us. He noticed  
my unspoken discomfort, I think, and smiled at me in reassurance as  
we headed towards the door.  
  
  
  
A woman toward the back of the room smiled after the  
parting couple, and silently laughed at the uproar that ensued once  
the door closed behind them. Leaning back against the wall, she  
absently swirled the brandy in her glass and watched the various  
reactions to her cousin's announcement with a cynical smile.  
  
"And people wonder why I come to these things...."  
  
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End file.
